Last Resort

Lately, I haven't been writing a lot and I did not plan to, but something peculiar happened that made me write again. Over the course of last three to four weeks I have been going through a strange addiction, an addiction considered to be a sin in Islam, which is eating me from inside. I've left no stones unturned to get 'rid' of this monster that has been devouring me, but to no result. I've resorted to prayers, hoping some kind of  spiritual confrontation will help me, I've tried meditating but to no avail, I've tried restricting myself through a strict and hectic schedule and exercised on regular basis, which was futile. I was getting desperate, these nefarious thoughts and deleterious practice was not good for my health and for my future. I was in a gutter.

I know life's not fair and sometimes you have to surrender in front of your hormones. This lesson came hard to me. After all the possible remedies I've resorted to writing for my cure. Writing will certainly help me transmute my thoughts that I can no longer contain. I certainly cannot speak for I've tried that countless times, I don't have enough courage to repent again, although I will. This will be my last resort. To quit, is my goal. I have high expectations, but it's hard to bear in mind that its not always about 'me', sometimes you have to consider others, and that can help you. Maybe I should try this myself. haha.