Infinities

Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. In this infinity of commitment of crime and sin, it lasts longer while other infinity stays smaller, and gets smaller with every passing  instance. It's scary. The commitment of sins leads to self-doubt. Redemption exists but it lasts for only some time. Recurrence evaporates feelings. The notion life is short; enjoy it to the fullest is but a lame excuse to commit sins. So what does it mean to live to the fullest?  Living to the fullest requires you to be transparent; it requires every part of your body to be aching in pain; agony; love; spontaneous; being able to tell people that they're assholes and vice versa. I want the other infinity to be longer. The distortion exists with in. Two entire universes exist with in. We just have to be careful not to feed on the spills. We just need to stick with 'it'. 'The greatest Jihad is to battle your own soul. To fight the evil with in.' How many times more? This was the last time.

This is probably the vaguest blog post I've ever made; and I like it this way.

The interim New Year's resoulution

So like everybody else, on the night of 31st December at precisely 12 am, while sitting in probably the most driest cold weather, I made a note to myself. I won't cry anymore. I will not surrender. This was followed by a warm smile and a platonic imaginary pat at the back as I skidded to my room.

January 2nd, 12.01 am: I am this close (the space between this-and-close) to cry myself to sleep. Even as I write this my mind is totally clogged with the best of the nefarious thoughts; my hands shaking and my vocabulary being picked by google; but I don't want to give up this soon. I am crying now. Go ahead and judge me.

Things to keep in mind this year:

1) Keep your mind straight; like straight straight.
2) Get the job done even if you have to spoil your so precious sleep and go to school afterwards.
3) No excuses.
4) Don't rush
5) Complete the 3rd one.
6) Don't become an adult you don't want to be.
7) Cry to your heart's content and forget.
8) The no "vague term" agreement.
9) Don't give up
10) Never.

The schedule.

Get up;
Breakfast;
Shower;
Study;
Short Breaks every now and then;
Evening Snack, Slack;
Study;
Dinner;
Exercise. 

The healthy schedule to be followed till November 8th.
Diversion from schedule can be noxious for health; belief and will.
You shall be lambasted to bits and pieces.
You shall not pass or enjoy the rest of your life.
You shall live the rest of your life with unbearable regret.

All these rules are applicable till November 8th; "The life" ends on November 8th.
A new life begins afterwards; a better one.
If impeccable with timing, it can be the probable solution to the long lasting hazardous addiction.
No more bilking.

A good Eid, it was.

A good Eid, it was. I'm trying to be cool with my yoda style writing though I absolutely hate star wars, but that's another story I would like to write about someday. This Eid I wasn't expecting much other than our usual mingling with cousins and occasional long naps but to my surprise it turned out to be one of the best Eids I've ever experienced. My elder uncle was in London, which was the core reason for the gloom expectations but the people, the stories and the conversations turned this eid into something special. I probably had my best looks this Eid, considering I praised myself in front of the mirror every now and then. The blending with cousins, sharing our concerns, secrets and discussing family politics were all the same, except, I was more active, more to say 'present' or 'socially active'. That one day at our village turned out to be full of scary true family stories of haunting and possessions, with children gaping in surprise and my father providing logical reasons for every story. I had my share of fear and concerns because the next time I went to toilet, I had my brother accompany me. The night permeated our minds and hearts with love, sorrow and tears as we reminisced the last moments of my grandparents. I don't want to end this post at a grim note so I'll share a dirty little secret of mine; I love watching teen comedies. The ones with a lot of girls. Go on, judge me.  Kthanksbye.

Being Efficient

Lately I've been going through a lot. To be honest, all I'm up to these days is procrastination, which is a continuity from last year, only, it has gotten worse this year. I need to organize myself, renew myself, renew my will, leave all counterproductive activities and become an activist. Things I promise to be everyday. I've tried a lot of solutions to stop myself but to no avail. I'm afraid, at this rate I'll run out of solutions and probably end up procrastinating, again. Though recently I've discovered/realized that the only way to stop is to stop at will. Not what one will expect, right ? No long solutions, no never-ending rehab policies, no spiritual confrontation, but a simple renewal of will. I'll be more efficient from now on. Form a perspective and stick to it (at least I hope I do) . So here's what I plan to do:

1) Stop Procrastinating
2) Do what I have to do.
3) Do it now.
4) Do it myself.
5) Be spontaneous.
6) Form a to-do list.
7) Stick to it.
8) Read this everyday.

I am trying to take a basic approach and then move on to complexities. You know what they say: You need to have a strong base if you want to rise high !

That one day.

That one day will come, sooner or later, when I'll stop regretting, and on that day, no power on earth will be able to save me.

If I start being who I really am; I'd be an asshole

Now that I've decided to take blogging more seriously, most of my upcoming posts will be about personal growth, people, stories and little ideology bits. Although my older posts represent my past and 'premature thinking' I won't delete them as it'll help me to keep myself in check and measure my growth. I've often heard people say 'Just be yourself', they'll say 'Don't pretend', even my News Feed will pop out these teenage posts advising me to stay who I am. What I don't understand is that do they really understand the circumstances and the weight of their consultation, I mean, if I start being who I really am, I'd be an asshole. One cannot simply be 'just himself'. That would make them socially awkward and probably inactive in society. What I mean to say is all of us are bits and pieces of people we aspire and the people we inspire. We all are stories, different stories formed with interactions, interactions of small levels, big levels, intermediate levels. We are what we believe, assuming all the other negative aspects remain constant. We all are born innocent and naive but by the time we grow up, we all start living in a gutter. Love, happiness and faith are all forgotten and we indulge ourselves in the survival of the fittest. I am what I saw, who I met, the stories I shared, the moments I lived, the things I learned, the food I ate, the girl I had crush on last week and that little part of self-centered ideology. Don't be yourself. Form yourself.